...my grandfather's 80th birthday. This meant that the family all descended on Chez Walrus for the weekend, and we had a silver wave of pensioners laying siege to the house on the Sunday. Fun! Stressful! Strange! Blog Gold!

There were far too many skill bits and ace quotes to hope to list here, but I'll flag up some of the highlights :

• Lemonbrother's wife's party trick is being delightfully inappropriate. In fact, she was responsible for stealing the show for much of the weekend. The family (including grandfather) all ate Chinese takeaway in front of the box on Saturday night. Whilst discussing some friends getting married, she interjected "Did you analyse this much when we were getting married ? I hope not. I bet you all thought 'God, I can't believe he's marrying that foul-mouthed whore!'"
• We had the music channels on in the background. I put on the top ten of '100 Greatest Love Songs' for a bit, as I figured that my grandfather would find this the most anodyne and least offensive. When I tried to change the channel, I found myself hoist with my own petard, as my family were now taking bets as to what songs would top the list. As it was quite a cheesey channel, someone opted for 'I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)' by Meatloaf. "It never says what the 'That' is, does it ?" asked my sister. "I'll just say it's something to do with the bottom," replied Lemonbrotherwife - adding "I said it like that because your grandfather's here." I like her idea of toning down.
• After he left, we switched to Kerrang!, which was showing an A-Z of punk. This showed promise, until we realised that each letter was used as a tenuous excuse to play Green Day and Blink 182 videos ad nauseam. For example, for H, they had Mark Hoppus from Blink 182. "They could have had Hüsker Dü," said I. "Yeah, but no-one really likes them," baited Lemonbrother. "What do you reckon K will be ?" "Kevin ?" "Yes - Kevin from Green Day."
• The video for 'White Wedding' by Billy Idol featured later (strangely not under W). Lemonbrotherwife : "His skin is whiter than his teeth." Lemonbrother : "That's because he's an albino. He likes beans."
• The Sunday was spent dealing with a thousand seniors. My family and I were - for all intents and purposes - staff. I even heard my grandfather introduce my brother to someone thus : "This is the fellow that will be getting your drinks." I'm not sure if that is a demotion or promotion from 'grandson'.
• One set of old puffins declined some chicken rolls on the grounds of "bird flu".
• My brother's wife was telling the story of sliding my brother's new car into a hedge (see last entry) to some seniors. Lots of eyebrows were raised when she said "There was nothing I could do. The car just skidded, and I went into some woman's bush".

There was plenty more, but I'm thinking about having a nap. Night x