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I wanted to take the Sweet Ecologist
...on a proper date, so I suggested taking her fishing. Wot with the sea being calm at the moment, and our star showing off its headwear, it seemed like a rather jolly idea. But I'd never been fishing before, so I had a practice run on Friday with Surf-Film-Maker Chap in order that I didn't totally spazz it up. There were a few setbacks. One was that she was on the beach when we went for our practice run, so I got totally rumbled. Another was that you cannot face one another in the canoe. You could make the argument that I would get to look at her ass for the entire outing, and she wouldn't have to look at me at all, so it works out perfectly for both. However, in reality, I figured it would be nice to gaze into each others' eyes. *Barf*
When I caught my first fish, I pulled it into the boat. A couple of hooks caught in the side of the canoe, jumpy Mr Mackerel did his damnedest to swim up my butt, and I started laughing uncontrollably. Fortunately, this new situation was aided by Surf-Film-Maker Chap's expert tutelage, who shouted "What are you going to do ? What are you going to do ? There's a fish in the boat... Your hooks are caught... What are you going to do ?" When we both eventually calmed down, he told me to squeeze Mr Mackerel about his chest until he was forced to open his mouth wide, hook the roof of his mouth with my forefinger, and then pull his head back until his neck broke. Crunch. At this point, I started to think that taking a vegetarian on such an excursion really wasn't a good idea at all. When we returned to shore an hour later with ten fish, looking like a couple of extras from an early Peter Jackson movie paddling a large yellow bath of blood, it seemed like time to think of a Plan B.
So instead I prepared us a picnic, and on Saturday afternoon we went for a walk along some cliffs. It all seemed to go unnervingly well. At one point, I suggested another bottle of wine, to which she responded that she couldn't really, as she had to drive. I pointed out that she didn't have to drive. We considered that it would be very naughty for her to stay round at the Odd Couple's. But it would also be very odd. Especially as they're like parents. So instead we drove back to hers to watch a film, stopping en route at a stack of rocks atop a hill to watch a misty sunset. How idyllic. And how very gay.
And she's training to be a masseuse. Skill times ten.
It all seems a bit too good. Something has to go wrong sooner or later. Right ?
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To date 17 Comment(s)
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(13.6.05 12:08)
Oooh, no, don't say something has to go wrong! It all sounds great, roll with it!
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(13.6.05 12:10)
Oh tish! Don't say that you foolish citrus fruit! It shall all be perfect forever.
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(13.6.05 12:10)
Skill indeed.
Good call on abandoning the fishing trip; anything that involves killing and making you stink of fish on a first date is bound to be a turnoff.
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(13.6.05 12:14)
Be not concerned chaps - I'm not really that paranoid. But saying "hey, this is all very nice, and I'm heartily enjoying it" kinda lacks drama.
'Lo - yes, it became readily apparent that bloody, stinky, gutty carnage is not exactly conducive to romance.
Unless you're a zombie.
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(13.6.05 12:15)
I was reading this idea of a fishing expedition and thinking that it would at least make excellant bloggage - and then you cancel it and do a fucking picnic? Don't you care about your readers? It's all self, self self with you, isn't it?
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(13.6.05 12:16)
I bet you still ended up stinking of fish though.
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(13.6.05 12:16)
oh how exciting!!! look at you being all romantic!
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(13.6.05 12:39)
e_b - rudey and tacky. You used to be such a nice boy too. Arf.
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(13.6.05 13:19)
I remember when this were aaaaaaall fields, tha' knows ......
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(13.6.05 13:43)
Hoover - you're right. I'm such a cunt.
As for the rest of you, I for one found my Sweetest Baboo's comment most amusing. We don't shy from cheap fanny gags on this blog. In fact, the more quim quips, the merrier.
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(13.6.05 14:23)
at least both your nether regions smell of fish then.
low enough? lower?
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(13.6.05 15:44)
Sounds like a perfect day with her telling you that sounds like the perfect woman as well.
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