Dead's Platonic Lust-In
Holy crap! She's kissing a girl!
A bouncing baby boy!
Hey! Only I get to laugh!
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We did a big poo!
Power to the motherfucking people!
Disapproving! Always!
Look kids! Big Ben! Parliament!
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Millions of peaches! Peaches for me!
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With one 'f'!
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(Peter) Parker!
Not worth the effort!
Laziest cunt I know!

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The Devil is inside you - Jump up & clap your hands!
Tantric onanism!
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So my housemate bumped


...into Big-Eyed Irish Cutie in town last night. Apparently she asked him to tell me to phone her. I asked him if he pointed out to her that she could just as easily call me. But no - it's an assertion of power, you see. I know that I mustn't become Big-Eyed's Bitch. Giving in could spell dee-oh-oh-en - DOON... oh, hang on... dee-oh-oh-em DOOM for me.

But she's so cute, though. And I do feel bad that I've been deliberately avoiding her. Maybe I should call.

I'm a mook. I'm gonna get crushed.
6.1.05 10:20
 


To date 77 Comment(s)     TrackBack-URL


(6.1.05 10:22)
telling you not to isn't going to do any good is it?


(6.1.05 10:26)
crushed like a small bug...don't do it!


(6.1.05 10:36)
if you call to see how she is then she can initiate the convo ur talking about if she wants to talk about it, noone gets hurt


(6.1.05 10:37)
We *are* supposed to be pals, tho.
Just pals one of whom is stringing the other along in some bizarre power game; and the other of whom has a massive crush on the former, and fears he may become subservient. You know... Pals.


(6.1.05 10:39)
Emlee - hello stranger, and welcome to my blog. The problem is that she has a very hypnotising effect. Even over the phone she can make my eyes do that spinny thing wot the snake does in The Jungle Book. Did I mention she's Irish ? Even her voice is spellbinding.
She's a witch.
Of sorts.


(6.1.05 10:41)
hey im a witch wow small orld. ok what you should o is call.... say hi then say oh sorry someones at the door could you call me back tomorow?


(6.1.05 10:45)
Ooo, you'll be making girls in Tooting jealous.
*wink wink*


(6.1.05 10:46)
thats the idea


(6.1.05 10:49)
whoops gotta jet but id like to get to know you all better and help out so ill post some more messages. why not email me eh? german_army_boots@hotmail.com
ciao
xxxxxx


(6.1.05 11:11)
how about calling when you think she won't be able to answer and leaving a message, then it's up to her to call you back!


(6.1.05 11:11)
Oh you so want to be her squished bug.


(6.1.05 11:30)
Norah, as per usual, is spot on.
I am not hopeful, squish.
*sighs*
I'll get a box of man-sized Kleenex in.
Just in case.


(6.1.05 11:40)
I remember being hugely disappointed the first time my mum finally gave in to my relentless pestering that she buy a box of those MAN SIZE tissues, instead of the usual pocket packs. Such a let down.


(6.1.05 12:15)
Good point. But I reckon squish might need more than you get in a pocket-sized pack. At least half a box.


(6.1.05 12:38)
Emlee - has anybody tried to burn you atop a pyre ? Always best avoided, I feel.
Sith-Lordstress - you seem to have something in your eye.
*winks back*
Yummyface - but how would I know when that might be ? Call her at five in the morning ?
Norah-rah-rah - I love it. Stamp on my fingers in heels and call me worm. Please ?
Pogosis - I am going to need a massive elephant-sized Kleenex. It's been building up a while.


(6.1.05 12:42)
*gasps*
Is that allowed?
Euphemising (yes, I made that up) so rudely to yer on-line sis?
Is it?
Oh.
You rude boy.


(6.1.05 12:50)
I was referring to my repressed tortured emotions. Wot are you referring to ?


(6.1.05 12:53)
Sobbing and snot, of course .... see the elephant reference - trunk = big schnoz.
See?
*coughs*


(6.1.05 12:54)
Oh - I forgot - 'repressed'?
And how would you be defining that word, Browe?


(6.1.05 12:58)
Bullshit motherfucker. You were talking about cock-snot.
As, admittedly, was I.
I knew the tone would get lowered at some point. Might as well be now.

And 'repressed' given the usual meaning. Wot's your point ?


(6.1.05 13:03)
I obviously meant 'bullshit motherfucker' in a playful way. In the same way I might administer a wedgie or a noogie to my favourite big sister.


(6.1.05 13:14)
Uh-oh... was it something I said ?


(6.1.05 13:41)
hey im back. so do you have a name?


(6.1.05 13:43)
why no- i havent been set on fire yet.....


(6.1.05 13:51)
Hello Emlee. I do have a name, thanks. However, this is an anonymous blog, so I don't use it. And no amount of sweeties will persuade me otherwise.
If you like, you can call me Lemony. Or Squish. Or Tartlet. Although none of these are on my birth certificate.
Except for Squish, as I was delivered by a Dr. Squish.

Thanks for the sweetie tho, by the way x


(6.1.05 13:56)
Wossa noogie?
I was absent due to extreme hunger and knocking colleagues over like skittles in my effort to be near the front of the canteen queue.
'cock-snot'? Veh good, squish (and I think you'll find it was I who dubbed you thusly .... Dr Squish indeed ...).


(6.1.05 14:03)
A noogie is when you rub the top of someone's head with your knuckle. Do you know what a 'wet willy' is ?

Looks like the Dr. Squish joke fell flat on its ass, then...


(6.1.05 14:21)
Aha - a noogie sounds almost as bad as a wedgie.
Yes I do (though I realise we are probably not picturing exactly the same thing ... ahem). Does it involve finger and ears at all?
(and I didn't realise the Dr Squish bit was a joke. I still don't get it. I think my Ma's confusion is catching.)


(6.1.05 14:25)
i know, i know! go somewhere where you know she'll be eg. pub and when you see her get up to go to the bar, call her and leave a message then run out quickly!


(6.1.05 14:54)
Pogosis - it involves exactly a finger and an ear.
(Not being called any of these names in real life, none are on my birth certificate; except 'Squish' - being the name of the doctor that signed it off - which is of course ridiculous and untrue. Did that really need explaining ? You're usually such a bright'un.)

Yummyface - are you suggesting I spy on her as a means of avoiding her ? Oh, inverted world.


(6.1.05 15:02)
Squish - bit too subtle for me in my anxious and bedraggled state (the latter because I have run out of my favourite Australian hair stuff).
I shall try harder.
On balance, I think I would probably prefer a wet willy to a wedgie or a noogie.
No surprise there then.


(6.1.05 15:05)
i get noogies all the time becasue i'm short
and spying on her to avoid her is exactly what i am suggesting! put the ball right in her court!


(6.1.05 15:05)
Bad girl ;o) x


(6.1.05 15:06)
Yummyface - wot meanie's been giving you noogies ? I'll have them.


(6.1.05 15:16)
lots of people...as well as patting me on the head!


(6.1.05 15:19)
How mini are you ?


(6.1.05 15:41)
I thought a noogie was a nutmeg, or have I been listening to too much Terry Wogan again?


(6.1.05 15:44)
Isn't a nutmeg when you kick the ball through an opponent's open legs, in that quaint little 'soccer' game that people keep talking about ?


(6.1.05 15:53)
Oh yeh, like *I'd* know about this 'soccer'.


(6.1.05 16:01)
You and me both. But the kids seem to like it. With their 'banging' music and their Bosh and Pecks and whatnot... I can't keep up.

So noogies are called nutmegs as well ? I'll be darned. Did you know that 'bobbyknocking' is called 'Rat-a-tat Ginger' in some places ? What did you call it ?


(6.1.05 16:13)
I take it you're referring to 'Knocky-nine-doors'?
Tsk, kids today. Take away their game boys and send them down the park for some fresh air, I say.


(6.1.05 16:22)
'Knocky-nine-doors' ? What happened after the ninth door ?

So the argument that violent computer games makes kids more violent ? Nonsense. If you've already wasted a thousand coppers in an afternoon, doing it in real life seems to lose its edge. I say they should make a game for one of those PlaySatan thingies called 'Knocky-nine-doors', so that the kids are encouraged to play against more menacing adversaries than they'd find in real life; hence reducing the number of young scallywags who rap on my door and scrump my apples.


(6.1.05 16:31)
Well, personally, I got told off by the lady whose house it was and I didn't do it again.
I'm still waiting for Bubb to take up my suggestion of powering PlaySatans (hehe) by treadmills to reduce child obesity but as soon as he does I will tell him your idea.


(6.1.05 16:41)
I'd like 50%, but I'll settle for 40%.


(6.1.05 16:48)
How about 40% each and we'll spend the rest on buns?


(6.1.05 16:55)
Deal... Except we'd probably want different types of buns.


(6.1.05 16:58)
knock down ginger in these parts!
i'm not that mini, only 5ft2 but people seem to like patting me on the head!


(6.1.05 17:50)
Hot cross? Chocolate? Or Lemon? ha ha.


(6.1.05 17:52)
The solution to the potential bun dilemma is to spend 10% on each type of bun, surely?


(6.1.05 17:54)
That would bring the running total to 110%. So really Kate and I should settle for 35% each instead.

Yes. I *am* a twat.


(6.1.05 18:33)
Unless we spent 10% each, on whatever buns we liked. I'm imagining 10% to be worth more than 49p given the ingenuity of our ideas.


(7.1.05 15:45)
oki


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