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The last time we did
... limericks, it was a roaring success. And as what was once a good idea is a good idea forever, it's clearly time to revisit. So I'll start us off, shall I ? There once was a lady called Heather, Who felt a bit under the weather; She thought she could win With medicinal gin - But woke up with a pygmy called Trevor.
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To date 59 Comment(s)
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(14.12.04 10:19)
There was a naughty boy called squash
Who had a penchant for many things posh
When he pulled one such bird
He told a joke about a turd
She said, 'Go away I never heard such disgusting tosh!'
Sorry it's so crap. I just wanted to be first.
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(14.12.04 10:20)
Poetry was never my strong suit but...
There was a young girl called 'shoes
Who strictly refused to pay her bar dues
The Landlord kicked her out
She wound up up the spout
And plastered all over the six o'clock news.
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(14.12.04 10:22)
I think the notion that I could pull any 'bird' - let alone a posh one - is so far-fetched that this is already a surrealist classic.
The bit about an inappropriate fondness for scat-humour is very near the knuckle, however.
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(14.12.04 10:34)
squash... that was JUST a rumour. there is no truth in it. (His name wasn't Trevor, at least)
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(14.12.04 10:34)
There was a young vixen - SoCheap,
Who was so gorgeous grown men would weep;
For The Big Smoke I'd part
To win over her heart -
But instead I'm stuck here with my sheep.
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(14.12.04 10:36)
CookieMonster - I know. But 'Clive' just didn't rhyme.
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(14.12.04 11:25)
As one of my longest serving readers Gambino, you should know that this blog is about pathos and perversion in equal measure.
But with slightly more perversion.
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(14.12.04 11:53)
A fragrant young lady - Newshoes
Buys footwear to ward off the blues:
Manolos, and Prada -
And if she works harder -
A pink pair of Jiminy Choos
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(14.12.04 12:21)
There was a young blogger called Cookie
Who fancied some spectacular nookie
She had the jockey, the tailor
A big strapping sailor,
But she drew the line on the spy and the bookie.
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(14.12.04 12:53)
are you talking to me lemony? There have been many pygmies but I don't think any of them were Trevor.
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(14.12.04 13:16)
There was a stern Fraulein called Heather
Who squeezed herself into black leather
That showed off her tits
And other rude bits
And got the young men in a lather.
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(14.12.04 13:18)
Oh incy - that's fab. I shall go and give you a sweetie for that.
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(14.12.04 13:20)
See, just mention her twenty year old rack and she's putty your hands.
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(14.12.04 13:22)
I - I didn't think you'd be back so soon! Ahem.
*looks sheepish*
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(14.12.04 13:24)
I should think so too. You brute. And I gave you sweetie.
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(14.12.04 13:26)
Hey, you're the one who started the discussion about your breasts.
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(14.12.04 13:28)
Somehow Heather's boobs have spilled over into my blog too.
Hurrah.
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(14.12.04 13:29)
Well, your blog isn't very far from here. In fact, if I stand om this chair I can see most of it.
*stands on chair and peers*
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(14.12.04 13:29)
Oh Lemony, that's so very funny. I almost choked on my apple.
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(14.12.04 13:34)
Not mine, but good:
There was a young fellow named Shit,
A name he disliked quite a bit,
So he changed it to Shite,
A step in the right
Direction, one has to admit.
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(14.12.04 13:39)
Implying? Me? Why nothing, darling. What would I be implying?
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(14.12.04 13:41)
This morning at my desk I sat,
And pulled this entry from my hat;
Now I want less dicking,
And more limericking -
Please stop this silly tit-for-tat.
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(14.12.04 13:43)
One for Bandy. Also not mine. Apologies if you've heard it before :
I knew a young chap from Devizes,
Who had gonads of two different sizes...
One was so small
It was no ball at all;
The other was huge - it won prizes.
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(14.12.04 13:44)
There was a naughty blogger called Heather
Who liked a bit of a blether.
She teased her mate incy
By calling his cock dinky,
And put little lemony into a lather.
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(14.12.04 13:49)
There was a young wastrel called Bandy,
Who woke up decidedly randy;
So he went to the vet's
To steal a few pets -
To which he would issue hand shandies.
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(14.12.04 13:52)
There once was a naughty Swiss fox
Who liked men with gigantic cocks
When asked for a reason
She said "I like squeezing
Them into my tight little box"
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(14.12.04 13:58)
Right. I'm off for lunch. By the time I get back, I expect everyone to have cooled off, and the tone to have been raised.
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(14.12.04 14:05)
Raise the tone from this? How do we do that then? Do you want sonnets?
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(14.12.04 15:04)
This girl amongst the Portuguese
Is my idea of a dream squeeze;
Her name is Solis -
It'd redefine bliss
If she would just nibble my knees.
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(14.12.04 16:23)
Tan-Q.
I take it you mean the one about Solis.
Not the one about Bandy...
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(14.12.04 18:04)
Awww, have a sweet for the sweet thing (with the slightly bizarre meter), but no, I'm not nibbling your knees.
And that one about gonads made me laugh 'til my eyes twinkled.
Incey Wincey Spider was very naughty though.
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(14.12.04 18:26)
Bizarre meter ? Works fine when I say it. Which I have done over and over all afternoon. Which is why I got sent home to bed.
And wot's wrong with my knees ? Not good enough for you, are they ? Well la-di-da.
(Notice how I take rejection in my stride without resorting to being childish.)
Thanks for the sweet tho, chicken.
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(15.12.04 11:33)
The Bobble she was half-Italian
And in her letto she loved a'dallyin'
She said to her Bubb
If I give this a rub
Will you fuck me just like a stallion?
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(15.12.04 13:49)
Only just seen this blog entry *unladylike guffaw* And nobody has ever written me a limerick before so thank you.
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(17.12.04 11:17)
The man with a snaggly tooth
Is wont to wax somewhat uncouth:
It's "Fuck, cunt and bastard!"
Whenever he's plastered,
And "Flangepipe!" when fright'ning the youth.
Still early in the day... am sure will manage something better later on.
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