Dead's Platonic Lust-In
Holy crap! She's kissing a girl!
A bouncing baby boy!
Hey! Only I get to laugh!
*Sigh*!
We did a big poo!
Power to the motherfucking people!
Disapproving! Always!
Look kids! Big Ben! Parliament!
Mmmmmmmmm!
Millions of peaches! Peaches for me!
Maybe it's time to move on from the moose thing!
Get a fucking job!
With one 'f'!
Capital knockers!
Flaming galah!
Get down!
(Peter) Parker!
Not worth the effort!
Laziest cunt I know!

  Home
    stuff that's true
    stuff that isn't
    stuff undecided on
  About
  Archives
  Guestbook
  Contacts
 

  Subscribe
 


 

The Devil is inside you - Jump up & clap your hands!
Tantric onanism!
Fuck off, kid!
Three men walk into a pub!
Faaaalll o-on meee-e-e-ee!


http://20six.co.uk/lemonsquash

powered by
20six.co.uk



 
Things are

...going swimmingly in my relationship with Nooma. We hang out with each other as much as possible, and email and text each other during the day on most days. I've met the parents and her dogs. And I get on quite well with her boyfriend. Gah. He even popped in to see me at work. During chit-chat, he asked what I'd done the evening before. Amongst other things, I told him that I'd been round at his girlfriend's until two in the morning. Although nothing happened, I still felt rather guilty; and this may have betrayed me, as I could feel my face starting to flush. I hope he didn't notice.


On the following evening, I had a choice of hanging out with Nooma in one pub, or with Smiley Surf-Shop Gal in another. I chose Nooma. Which is foolish, as I should be making an effort to get to know SSSG better, being as she is the more viable option. But...


Nooma works in a petting zoo. This is a section of an email she wrote to me on Saturday :


I've just returned from pet handling where one of the guinea pigs jizzed in front of the children! And that is a true story. Pet handling is one of my favourite [place of work] activities, for 2 reasons. 1) I like handling pets. 2) Pet handling allows me to interact with small children, and although I don't much like small children, this offers a great opportunity for me to conduct one of my favourite HOBBIES, which is asking children what their name is, and then getting annoyed by the answer because all children these days have ridiculous names. Here are some real-life examples of stupid names I have come across in [place of work]:

 

Teagan (stupid name of today)

Jordan (stupid name of every day. Boy and girl)

Shaniah

Keanu

Kelsey (stupid and usually pronounced KelseeeeeeeYAH as the child with this name is more often than not from the valleys)

Chinzia (stupid made-up gypsy name)

Ronan (stupid because the child with this name is obviously named after the greased up tinker fronting the pop sensation 'Boyzone')

Shaznay

Star

Nikita-Star

Taylor (girl and boy, but most stupid for a girl)

Paige

Shaynee

Candy

Dori (stupid boys name- made up surely?)

Keeley

Rupert (stupid in a different way: it is pretentious and annoying, compounded by the fact that this particular child was wearing a cravat)

Sam (not at all stupid, but this child was wearing LEDERHOSEN so is worth a mention)

Pagan (my all-time favourite)

 

I hope none of these names are your middle name, or the names of any of your relatives.

She is brillness itself, as is illustrated above. She is racing ahead. I need to give SSSG a chance to catch up. Although the real tragedy is that I will actually never get together with either of them.

12.7.04 11:34
 


To date 25 Comment(s)     TrackBack-URL


(12.7.04 11:49)
She works in a petting zoo. You have to have her. But might it not be a problem that you are becoming such good friends? She is having her tartlet and eating it. Sort of.


(12.7.04 11:53)
She is so funny. Can we have her round for tea and cake? Would she like Knightsbridge?


(12.7.04 12:48)
Sooper Looper (thanks to Solis for that one) - this is a very real risk. Yikes. Although that's not always such a bad thing, if you're in it for the long game. Being friends first can provide quite a solid foundation.

Gimboid - you may of course invite her round. I have never set foot in Knightsbridge, so I can't speak for it; but if you're in it, I'm sure she'll love it.


(12.7.04 13:32)
Well yes, being friends is good, until you get to the point where the thought of kissing you makes her giggle, in the wrong way. *I've just edited this because the original sounded a bit harsh. If you saw it, it wasn't meant to.


(12.7.04 13:55)
I did see both of your original copies, and wasn't in the least bit offended. To share with the class, Sooper Looper made a point about the ease of flirting with friends when you know things won't progress, as it's safe. This is entirely valid. I don't doubt that it *is* easier for Nooma and I to flirt for that very reason. Part of my decision to spend the arse-end of Saturday night with Nooma and not SSSG was a safety issue. I was rather drunk by this point, and this often leads to my talking a rather extreme amount of crap. I knew that Nooma was *as* drunk, and that talking cack to her would matter less in strategic terms.

I would like to point out, however, that being attracted to Nooma and Cute Li'l Art Girl had nothing to do with their being unobtainable. In both cases it was due to their being funny, intelligent, quirky and slightly odd. And cute. And this initial attraction happened in both cases before I knew they had other halves. And this knowledge did make flirting outrageously a lot easier. Shall I stop going on now ?


(12.7.04 14:04)
Update
My memory of Saturday night is patchy. As is Nooma's. But she did recall this :

I also remember a small dilemma over whether to open the salsa and mesquite flavour kettle crisps. I said I shouldn't open then just for the sake of eating one crisp, but you disagreed and said I should tear the packet open and let the crips scatter all over the room, and then just eat one of them. Do you remember this? Your advice is terrible, I shall make a mental note never to heed it.

I think this confirms my talking crap point.


(12.7.04 14:04)
I am talking - at some length - to myself.


(12.7.04 14:13)
It's a great sadness that it's far easier to flirt with someone that is unobtainable: the same applies to those who are undesirable, or of a non-compatible sexual orientation. I am on fire with ugly boys I don't fancy, or gay ones who don't fancy me. But I am fed up with nice, easy things not happening to nice people. You deserve Nooma. Just for once, perhaps the world will do the right, wholly unexpected thing, and you will have her.


(12.7.04 14:34)
Why thanks; fingers are certainly crossed. It's happened to your good pal and mine, so maybe some of that dumb luck rub off on us too.


(13.7.04 02:44)
Oh, I agree, you must have this woman, or I shall! Great sense of humour, she certainly doesn't deserve that neanderthal of a so-called boyfriend. Tread carefully, however, else the neanderthal will bring matters to a head


(13.7.04 03:35)
Is it possible that Nooma and SSSSSSSSG (I simply cannot spell that girl's name) are fighting over which one of them will get to have you first? I'm pretty sure that's what's happening. I know these things as well as I don't know how to spell that girl's complicated name.


(13.7.04 03:36)
Is Nooma's boyfriend clever? (This is key.)


(13.7.04 06:28)
I can't imagine Nooma having a boyfriend who wasn't a little bit clever, can you? Seems like we have to cause a rift twixt them . . . hmmm


(13.7.04 11:54)
He may be a highly decorative boyfriend without any cleverness at all. There are different talents in this world, and all are fine. I know a clever girl who had a highly decorative boyfriend who had no cleverness at all, but was a very attractive accessory. All went well for a time, but the wind blowing through his ears got on her nerves and she needed a clever boy instead. Perhaps Noona's boyfriend is a nice accessory, pleasant too, but if we are lucky, he's not clever.


(13.7.04 12:43)
I'm not sure how clever he is exactly. He doesn't seem too dim. And he can sing, which is an annoyance. I can't do that.
Nor am I that clever.
Oh bum.


(13.7.04 15:23)
Can you whistle? It might tip the balance
*grasps at straw*


(13.7.04 18:27)
I think you are clever enough, Lemony. And also, he might not be that smart, he might just be very good at pretending that he is. Clever girls can get sucked in like that, y'know.


(13.7.04 22:13)
Oh, he can sing, Oooh, sorry, that's a hard one to overcome. Have you tried singing in different styles? Lots of really popular singers have fairly bad voices. You'd have to make sure you sang her just what she liked most to hear of course. Maybe he only sings her annoying drinking songs or creepy overromantic songs. Hmmmm. You need a song....


(14.7.04 10:14)
Simple really, just pipe up with 'O sole mio' in the style of Pavarotti, complete with hankie, then give the boyfriend a meaningful 'beat that!' glare . . .
Chances are his creepy over-romantic drinking song will fall flat and Nooma will fly into your arms . . .


(14.7.04 18:35)
BRAVO! ENCORE!


(14.7.04 23:56)
Rather distressingly, I only seem to be able to carry a tune in falsetto.


(16.7.04 02:03)
Strangley enough that daughter of mine finds this charming in a fellow she knows. It rates an "Aw.." and a very moon-y smile from her. Just a thought.


(16.7.04 02:30)
The ability to falsetto ?
I would associate this with an inability to breed.
Which may - as a responsible mother - be to your favour.


Eleazar / Website (14.11.11 21:01)
kamagra en gel gel kamagra
kamagra gel 100 mg
Vente kamagra kamagra jelly prix
ytutfjhjdudjhgfjd
priligy dapoxetina zLw oHar
levitra generico SaIl
venta levitra argentina IC
precio levitra bucodispersable DNh0
levitra generico wAa
acquisto levitra in contrassegno wAa
levitra bayer 20 mg rBB
costo levitra 4N
Commander levitra rBB
levitra generique ligne hg
acheter levitra en suisse hg
propecia belgique propecia dosage
pharmacie propecia propecia merck


(14.11.11 21:01)
finasteride chute de cheveux propecia msd chibret
propecia generique efficace propecia 1mg tablets
propecia prise de poids acheter propecia
Prix propecia propecia paris
propecia vente en ligne prix propecia proscar
generique propecia finasteride propecia marseille

Name:
Email:
Website:
Email me when further comments are posted
Save information (cookie)



 Insert emoticons



The weblog's authors are responsible for the contents of this blog. Your free weblog from 20six.co.uk