(12.7.04 11:49) She works in a petting zoo. You have to have her. But might it not be a problem that you are becoming such good friends? She is having her tartlet and eating it. Sort of.

(12.7.04 11:53) She is so funny. Can we have her round for tea and cake? Would she like Knightsbridge?

(12.7.04 12:48) Sooper Looper (thanks to Solis for that one) - this is a very real risk. Yikes. Although that's not always such a bad thing, if you're in it for the long game. Being friends first can provide quite a solid foundation. Gimboid - you may of course invite her round. I have never set foot in Knightsbridge, so I can't speak for it; but if you're in it, I'm sure she'll love it.

(12.7.04 13:32) Well yes, being friends is good, until you get to the point where the thought of kissing you makes her giggle, in the wrong way. *I've just edited this because the original sounded a bit harsh. If you saw it, it wasn't meant to.

(12.7.04 13:55) I did see both of your original copies, and wasn't in the least bit offended. To share with the class, Sooper Looper made a point about the ease of flirting with friends when you know things won't progress, as it's safe. This is entirely valid. I don't doubt that it *is* easier for Nooma and I to flirt for that very reason. Part of my decision to spend the arse-end of Saturday night with Nooma and not SSSG was a safety issue. I was rather drunk by this point, and this often leads to my talking a rather extreme amount of crap. I knew that Nooma was *as* drunk, and that talking cack to her would matter less in strategic terms. I would like to point out, however, that being attracted to Nooma and Cute Li'l Art Girl had nothing to do with their being unobtainable. In both cases it was due to their being funny, intelligent, quirky and slightly odd. And cute. And this initial attraction happened in both cases before I knew they had other halves. And this knowledge did make flirting outrageously a lot easier. Shall I stop going on now ?

(12.7.04 14:04) Update My memory of Saturday night is patchy. As is Nooma's. But she did recall this : I also remember a small dilemma over whether to open the salsa and mesquite flavour kettle crisps. I said I shouldn't open then just for the sake of eating one crisp, but you disagreed and said I should tear the packet open and let the crips scatter all over the room, and then just eat one of them. Do you remember this? Your advice is terrible, I shall make a mental note never to heed it. I think this confirms my talking crap point.

(12.7.04 14:04) I am talking - at some length - to myself.

(12.7.04 14:13) It's a great sadness that it's far easier to flirt with someone that is unobtainable: the same applies to those who are undesirable, or of a non-compatible sexual orientation. I am on fire with ugly boys I don't fancy, or gay ones who don't fancy me. But I am fed up with nice, easy things not happening to nice people. You deserve Nooma. Just for once, perhaps the world will do the right, wholly unexpected thing, and you will have her.

(12.7.04 14:34) Why thanks; fingers are certainly crossed. It's happened to your good pal and mine, so maybe some of that dumb luck rub off on us too.

(13.7.04 02:44) Oh, I agree, you must have this woman, or I shall! Great sense of humour, she certainly doesn't deserve that neanderthal of a so-called boyfriend. Tread carefully, however, else the neanderthal will bring matters to a head

(13.7.04 03:35) Is it possible that Nooma and SSSSSSSSG (I simply cannot spell that girl's name) are fighting over which one of them will get to have you first? I'm pretty sure that's what's happening. I know these things as well as I don't know how to spell that girl's complicated name.

(13.7.04 03:36) Is Nooma's boyfriend clever? (This is key.)

(13.7.04 06:28) I can't imagine Nooma having a boyfriend who wasn't a little bit clever, can you? Seems like we have to cause a rift twixt them . . . hmmm

(13.7.04 11:54) He may be a highly decorative boyfriend without any cleverness at all. There are different talents in this world, and all are fine. I know a clever girl who had a highly decorative boyfriend who had no cleverness at all, but was a very attractive accessory. All went well for a time, but the wind blowing through his ears got on her nerves and she needed a clever boy instead. Perhaps Noona's boyfriend is a nice accessory, pleasant too, but if we are lucky, he's not clever.

(13.7.04 12:43) I'm not sure how clever he is exactly. He doesn't seem too dim. And he can sing, which is an annoyance. I can't do that. Nor am I that clever. Oh bum.

(13.7.04 15:23) Can you whistle? It might tip the balance *grasps at straw*

(13.7.04 18:27) I think you are clever enough, Lemony. And also, he might not be that smart, he might just be very good at pretending that he is. Clever girls can get sucked in like that, y'know.

(13.7.04 22:13) Oh, he can sing, Oooh, sorry, that's a hard one to overcome. Have you tried singing in different styles? Lots of really popular singers have fairly bad voices. You'd have to make sure you sang her just what she liked most to hear of course. Maybe he only sings her annoying drinking songs or creepy overromantic songs. Hmmmm. You need a song....

(14.7.04 10:14) Simple really, just pipe up with 'O sole mio' in the style of Pavarotti, complete with hankie, then give the boyfriend a meaningful 'beat that!' glare . . . Chances are his creepy over-romantic drinking song will fall flat and Nooma will fly into your arms . . .

(14.7.04 18:35) BRAVO! ENCORE!

(14.7.04 23:56) Rather distressingly, I only seem to be able to carry a tune in falsetto.

(16.7.04 02:03) Strangley enough that daughter of mine finds this charming in a fellow she knows. It rates an "Aw.." and a very moon-y smile from her. Just a thought.

(16.7.04 02:30) The ability to falsetto ? I would associate this with an inability to breed. Which may - as a responsible mother - be to your favour.

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