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I live
...in Barbados, where I run a bar on the beach with my two wives - Cute Li'l Art Girl and Kirsten Dunst. Occasionally Hugh Hefner drops by to ask us to do some 'quality control' tests on his models. David Hasselhoff is in my employ, doing tasks. A sample dialogue :
"Go and sweep the beach, David."
"But sir... I'm never going to be able to get it completely clean."
"Look David - I don't pay you a dollar an hour for your fucking opinions... I pay it for you to get stuff done. Now hop to it."
Yet I grow weary of my lot.
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To date 2 Comment(s)
TrackBack-URL
(6.6.04 15:30)
I live on the beach next door, with my wife Jennifer Connelly and her 17 almost-identical-but-subtly-different sisters. I own a series of nearby islands filled with rare birds and animals, and every morning I go flying in my Microlight, brandishing a shotgun and shooting poachers in the ass with rock-salt. It's better than yoga.
People come from thousands of miles around to pay good money to interview me on topics such as What I did This Morning, and The Underlying Plot Structure of Babylon 5. In the evenings I like to wander through my nearby private chocolate factory, testing new ranges and taking in the smells. I am published as a novelist in over a hundred countries, yet I can walk unrecognised in any town. I can reduce people to tears with my virtuoso skill on the Jew's Harp, and requests come thick and fast for me to join touring bands like Coldplay, The Rasmus and U2. I am lean, tanned, and almost unbearably beautiful, even to myself.
(If you're wondering where David H. goes on Thursdays, by the way, he has a part-time job with me - the sewers get a bit blocked after a few days and they need rodding, so I send him in with Jean-Claude Van Damme to sort it out. Takes hours. Hours.)
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