...that not one, but two ex-girlfriends drop me unexpected mails to let me know - without my having asked - how well things are going with their respective new boyfriends, I fluff a golden opportunity. Sweet Alternative Girl With Big Brown Eyes drops by at the caff; and so taken with her am I that I make her the most epic soya hot chocolate that you ever did see (absolutely coated with chocolate shavings, and with *six* marshmallows) for half its usual price. Just after she's left, I find a note on the table which reads "Thankyou very much - that was just beautiful, [drawing of heart] have a brilliant day tomorrow & enjoy the remains of your evening - [smiley face with kisses/crosses for eyes]".

And did I chase her up the street ? No. I froze. *So* froze. She did have a mate with her, which would have made it more difficult; but even still - I am a mong.

...see Cute Li'l Art Girl another two or three times again in my life. This makes me very sad indeed.

Before I skip town, I will definitely tell her how sensational I think she is. But should I give her the address of this blog ? Will she find it flattering or creepy ?

...Li'l Art Girl has mended the T-shirt wot she scissored. In fact, it is far cooler now. She's put patches on saying stuff like 'I got drunk with [lemonsquash]', and '[Cute Li'l Art Girl] was here'.

I'm still not gonna wear it though. It is quite phenomenally gay. I get enough attention from the fellas already without going overtly metro. But it is a nice souvenir.

...today. Firstly, due to - *ahem* - 'public demand', I updated this blog. It is in more people's favourites than there are entries. That can't be right. It's stupid.

Secondly, I remembered that ages ago I used to write this blog, which was also stupid. And no-one read it. Much like all the other ones. But I still wanted to share it with all three of you anyway.

Thirdly, I have a date tomorrow. With a girl I've not met yet. Through a web-dating thing. She's a Scottish-born Malaysian with an American accent. Could be fun. Likely to be weird.

...theory, which may or may not prove to be contentious.

When folk are offering advice, and they say stuff like "you spend too much time over-analysing... Just go for it" : is it because they themselves do not have the capacity to over-analyse ?

And am I just trying to make myself feel better about not being impulsive ?

...the second-last time I will ever see Cute Li'l Art Girl in my life. She thought that it was gonna be the last, so started a sentence with "Well, I guess this is it..." and was about to hug me, when I told her that we would definitely meet again in the next few days. I have a leaving drinks. She may not come, though.

If she doesn't, I will endeavour to find her before I leave and tell her how I feel. Tonight didn't feel like the right time. I wasn't expecting to see her, so I hadn't had time to psyche myself up. Although maybe I've made the wrong decision, as otherwise I would just have more time to psyche myself out.

And there's the possibility that that might *actually* have been the last time we ever see each other.

I am going to miss her like I'll never see an autumn again. This is weird.

...it is - the very last Cute Li'l Art Girl post. In all probability.

I'd been holding out for the perfect time to tell her how I feel about her; but there was always something not quite right. In retrospect, I should've just told her at the first opportunity when it was just the two of us - it was up to me to *make* the perfect time. But I was hesitant, and admittedly a little afraid.

She didn't come out on my last night for my goodbye drinks. So I decided to go and see her at work the next day. I had to leave to go and catch my plane at 6:20pm at the latest, and her shift finished at 5. It was Friday evening though, so I wasn't likely to grab her for post-work drinks alone; there were gonna be all of the folk that had knocked-off work at that time, plus those that wanted to see me off for the last time. Hence, we didn't get a chance to be alone. There was one near miss, when I could've chased her as she went to her car briefly, but I was caught by a couple of very untimely new arrivals. So she slipped away. When she returned, we'd grown to a decent-sized group. Not ideal. And time was ticking on.

And it ticked to the last. And I had a plane to catch, so myself and my flatmate had to go. And so I hugged everyone in turn. And then left.

.....................................................

As my flatmate drove me towards the airport, we both sat stunned - neither of us really knowing what to say, but knowing that we needed to do something. But we couldn't turn back, as we were already cutting time as fine as we could. I considered calling her at home; but that wasn't really an option, as I didn't want to draw her partner's attention.

Then my flatmate had the ingenious idea of phoning the café and asking for her. So I did. To my great relief, the phone was answered by one of the more subtle members of staff, and he went to fetch her without dropping my name to the group. Cute Li'l Art Girl came to the phone.

The conversation went a little something like this (it is - of course - abridged) :

Art Girl : Hello ?
Lemonsquash : Hey there. How's it going ?
AG : Oh... Is that [Lemonsquash] ?
LS : It is. How's it going ? [winces at himself]
AG : Good thanks.
LS : Um... There's something I wanted to tell you, but I didn't get the chance to talk to you when there was just the two of us.
AG : Oh no - this sounds like it's gonna be bad.
LS : No, no - not at all. It's not bad. But it is... er... inappropriate. I mean, not bad. Less than ideal... er...
[pause]
I just wanted to say that I think you're wonderful. And that I'm goint to *really* miss you.
AG : Oh - I'm flattered. That's a lovely thing to say.
LS : And I know it's not the right thing to say - because you've got a partner and everything - but if you didn't, I would've asked you out in a second...
[starts rambling]
That's not to say that you would have accepted. I don't assume that. But I still would have asked. But you probably would have said "no".
AG : You know, I might not have.
LS : Well, um... I just wanted to say that. I hope you don't mind. But if I hadn't, I would've regretted it forever.
AG : Well, thank you. I'm very flattered.
LS : Ok then. I'm going to miss you. Take care, and have fun.
AG : Ok. Have a great trip.
LS : Goodbye. Hopefully we'll meet up again sometime. But if not, bye.
AG : Goodbye.

I cannot escape the feeling that this was too little, too late. I know that nothing could have happened, but I wish I'd have said it face-to-face, so that I could've gauged her response. Maybe she'd have smiled. Maybe I'd have even got a hug. And it certainly would have been less fraught. But I didn't. And I will always regret not having done so.

The hollowness that kept me company on the subsequent 22-hour flight, surrounded by people speaking in languages I don't understand, was mitigated only by the chance that - even though I will never be able to measure by how much - Cute Li'l Art Girl may have felt just a little bit special. Even if it was just for a moment.

...to King Jawj ? And Silveretta ? And lovely Lump_Soup ?

Is it entirely up to solis to save 20six ?

Or will there be a new breed of hero to grab our hand, look earnestly into our eyes, and say "give me your hand..." (of course, meaning the other hand - the hand that they're not already holding) to save us from dropping from the precipice into the fervid pit of actually having to do some work ?

Er... Probably not.

...on *everything*.

(I have elected to be more whimsical and less lovelorn from here-on-in)

I don't normally watch Trisha. Really I don't. But today, there are numerous people being asked about their rare medical conditions (title - 'Stop Staring At Me!'); including a couple of children with extreme Harlequin Syndrome. In crude terms, their skin grows too fast, and they have to scrub it off everyday. If it's left for too long, the sufferer can asphyxiate. Pretty intense stuff.

Cut to commercials. The very first ad is for 'Oil of Olay' - the tagline being "love the skin you're in". Well done ITV.

...for this blog to be an estuary for my lovelorn outpourings. It was supposed to be more of a paddle in some whimsy. But that's the way the crumble cookies.

I've been in my new place for a week and a half. And I've already become entranced by a young lady. She's funny. I mean - really funny. She's articulate. In terms of looks, she's like having an eye massage. But moreover...

She writes.

And she writes beautifully.

And guess what ? I don't think you'll need three...

She has a man. Who I know to be a bit of a rotter. He used to go out with my flatmate, and good chum of many years. She tells of bad things; and I don't think she's making them up.

I swear that this never happened to me before. I've always managed to steer clear of those who are marked. I must be making up for some horrific karmic transgression. But I don't know what. I think I've been good. I could be wrong.

Uh-oh.

...are a bunch of stinky fuckfaces.

That is all x