...one of my other blogs suddenly seems to have gained (relative) popularity; despite the fact that I stopped doing it ages ago, on account of its suckitude. I may have to think of some more stupid sex jokes.

In other news, I have now fallen in love with a Danish girl that picked me up hitchhiking. Considering how hormonal I've been lately, I'm surprised there's room in my body for any other chemicals.

...fallen in love for over a week. Maybe I'm losing my soul.

Oh, except with Scarlett Johansson in 'Lost In Translation'. But I don't think that counts, as it was Bill Murray that met her, not me.

...Cute Li'l Art Girl for the first time in a month. I thought that I'd be over it. After all, I *have* just had four weeks on the road by myself.

Y'know... To grow. Or something.

I thought that my heart was gonna explode out of all of my open areas. She is extraordinary. I'm so glad that god invented wine.

...to mention - this is a snippet from a conversation with Cute Li'l Art Girl yesterday :

Lemonsquash : Do you want to see something gross ?

Cute Li'l Art Girl : Is it a part of your body ?

Lemonsquash : Yes. [Shows the blister on his thumb]

Which part of my body did she think it was gonna be ?

...that I'm not the only person in the world who retches upon cleaning his teeth. Both of my flatmates do it too.

But am I the only one who bleeds every time I eat an apple ?

...maggots coming from the ceiling. How very revolting indeed. We're getting the landlord round this afternoon to examine. I'm not going up into the attic first - I've seen movies that start like this.

If I'd had sex recently, I mightn't care so much. Just one more time, and I'll gladly get my face eaten off by the undead in my loft.

...was so weird that it warrants a long entry. But I'm gonna break it down into bullets, so that it's easier to digest. Went out for my birthday, and here are some highlights (in chronological order) :

• Cute Li'l Art Girl admits that she enjoys beeping. In fact, she says that when she's at home, it's "like having a house full of ducks". I don't find this at all repulsive. (And before anyone thinks of commenting and in some way including 'Cute Li'l Fart Girl', I've already thought of it)
  
• Cute Li'l Art Girl continues talking about her ass, but now in terms of dimension. My flatmate and she have have only just met. My flatmate deliberately embarrasses me by saying "really ? It's funny, but one of the first things [lemonsquash] told me about you was that you had a wonderful ass...". I go red.
  
• I score a lady in a bar. Or - more accurately - she scores me. Go team. *BUT* Cute Li'l Art Girl is also in the bar. I feel uncomfortable. *AND* said lady is called 'Fifi'. No... really. Is that a real name even ?
  
• I leave Fifi for a few minutes to go and speak to Cute Li'l Art Girl, as she's been abandoned and looks lonely. She's very drunk. She tells me to think about how old each of us were in 1995, and that this in some way affects 'the way things are'. Nevertheless, she tells me that she thinks I'm "cool", and that I've changed the way that she feels about Welsh people; as the Welsh people she'd met prior to were pretty much all twats. I tell her I think that she's cool too. We hug.
  
• After a lengthy tête-à-tête, Fifi and I rejoin the group of folk that I work with. Now, I'm carrying around a T-shirt that a gay member of staff bought me as a birthday present. It's a pretty metrosexual garment, and it's a size too small (rather obviously intended to hug my figure). Incidentally, Gay Staff Member has been trying to convert me for a while. Nevertheless, I see through the droll 'dressing me up' veneer, and realise that this was a genuinely lovely gesture on Gay Staff Member's part. He's no longer with the group, but Cute Li'l Art Girl and the head chef insist that I try on said T-shirt. So I do. Cute Li'l Art Girl claims that it's missing something, heads to the bar, and returns with a pair of scissors. She then sets upon the T-shirt, in the name of "art". I find this very funny. Because I'm drunk. Two things now occur to me though : (1) I shouldn't have let her ruin the T-shirt, as it was given to me as a gift in full earnest (I'm hoping that I can be forgiven, on account of the fact that I don't wish to stop Cute Li'l Art Girl from doing anything, as it's invariably sublime); and (2) was there another reason for her destroying something of mine, considering the circumstances ?
  
• I get a strong feeling that Fifi - bless her - has a mountain to climb; as when she and Cute Li'l Art Girl are in the same place, there is just no contest. I acknowledge that this is a shame, but take Fifi home anyway.
  
• I decide not to call Fifi afterwards. I appreciate that this means I run the gauntlet of being branded a 'typical male'. But she turned out to be an absolute nutbar. I'm not going to elaborate; please - just take my word for it. Unbalanced. Very.

So this leaves a few questions unanswered : What's wrong with Cute Li'l Art Girl's diet ? How can I get revenge on my flatmate ? Is it wrong that I judge someone for having a (really) stupid name ? Did Cute Li'l Art Girl shred my top to make a point (albeit possibly subconscious) ? Should I just let go of the Cute Li'l Art Girl thing ? Should I call (if you've read this far and want to spare me a lot of headwork, please say 'no') ?

And is it a sign that Cute Li'l Art Girl was wearing a 'Dennis the Menace' jumper exactly the same as one I used to have ?

...my new tattoo. It's my first one. Yay.