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I got
...no proposals of marriage yesterday. Oh well. My fingers are crossed for 2008.
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1.3.04 10:25
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De Fuct-O
Cute Li'l Art Girl, I discovered today, is either married, or in a 'de facto' partnership. I suspect the latter, as she wears no wedding ring. Boo. I would have bought her a nice one. Or at least stolen it.
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3.3.04 11:10
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I feel
...ashamed. My flatmate and I were downloading tracks in search of the ultimate hilarious guitar solo. You know the type - Extreme, Van Halen and The Scorpions swear by them. The joke went too far when we downloaded Yngwie Malmsteen butchering Pachelbel's 'Canon'. I need to wash.
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7.3.04 09:24
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I just tried
...carrot cake, for the first time in my life. It's my flatmate's birthday, and we got him one, as he loves them. I had a slice, and now I love them too. Is this wrong ? Do I need another vice ?
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9.3.04 09:04
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What is
...the most hilarious piece of guitar wankery ever ?
I'd like to nominate 'Eruption' by Van Halen to get the ball rolling.
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11.3.04 04:06
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Don't
...kick a bowling ball. Hurts. A lot.
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14.3.04 07:13
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I'm in
...trouble. Usually I have a natural defence mechanism which stops me from being interested in gals with partners. Not so, however, in the case of Cute Li'l Art Girl. I work with her on Fridays. Fridays are wonderful - but dreadful - for this reason. She smiles. She does little impromtu dances. And now I'm gonna help her learn Photoshop, so she may even come round my house. Help me.
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15.3.04 09:42
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We may have an overnight guest
...tomorrow night. A South African male prostitute that my flatmate has been communicating with over a dating website. They haven't met yet. I shit you not. He works mainly with women, but has recently started going 'gay for pay', apparently.
One of my jobs pays in cash. I have a wad of notes on my desk. I *must* remember to deposit them in the bank tomorrow. Just in case I get home drunk and think 'wow - I've just had a crazy idea'...
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18.3.04 10:57
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I have not
...been scheduled to work with Cute Li'l Art Girl at all next week. This is a good thing, as I need to be weaned away.
But she is *so* good. She does stuff like draw farting cats on orders; and when she turned on an unexpectedly voracious tap which drenched her with splashback, her reaction was "No rules - yay".
I wish she'd run away with me. But I don't have much to offer.
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19.3.04 14:09
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I live
...in Barbados, where I run a bar on the beach with my two wives - Cute Li'l Art Girl and Kirsten Dunst. Occasionally Hugh Hefner drops by to ask us to do some 'quality control' tests on his models. David Hasselhoff is in my employ, doing tasks. A sample dialogue :
"Go and sweep the beach, David."
"But sir... I'm never going to be able to get it completely clean."
"Look David - I don't pay you a dollar an hour for your fucking opinions... I pay it for you to get stuff done. Now hop to it."
Yet I grow weary of my lot.
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20.3.04 13:50
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I swear
...that the praying mantis on my curtain is working it. I'm listening to the Rx Bandits. And he's grooving. I shit you not.
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24.3.04 01:53
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Water Water
...everywhere. I took over a shift from Cute Li'l Art Girl today, and she told me she'd really missed working with me. I took this with a pinch of salt, until the head chef told me later that the first thing she'd done when coming in to work this morning - before even saying hi - was to ask where I was, and then go into a pout when she was informed that I wouldn't be on with her. The head chef then went on to tell me that she'd seen her wearing nothing but a g-string when they were about to go skinny-dipping. This is torture.
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26.3.04 14:21
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Some time ago, whilst
...waiting for a Tube, I saw a bloke throwing two-pence pieces at a mouse beneath the lines. I really wanted to throw coppers at him in return. The subsequent retorts would have written themselves, given that having metal objects the size of your nipple thrown at you can't be anywhere near as bad as having metal objects the size of your torso thrown at you. But I didn't do it, as it seemed impolite. Which I now regret.
If you're wondering why this is in the 'stuff undecided on' section, it's because I couldn't decide on a more interesting thing to write about. So I wrote this instead.
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30.3.04 14:53
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Straw Poll
I changed the name of my blog from 'Dead's Platonic Lust-In' to 'Dead Platonic's Lust-In' (see here for why, if you can be fucked). However, at least one of you... well, *exactly* one of you has expressed very mild displeasure at this substitution. And that's more than enough people for me to call for a referendum.
So - which is it to be ? Or maybe it should be something else ? Perhaps just 'LemonSquash' ? Or mayhaps 'That Tool Wot Keeps Whinging About Some Girl That He Works With Who Has A Boyfriend And Hence He Has Less Chance Of Achieving Love With Her Than A Mosquito Would Have Of Going Vegetarian' (snappy) ?
Or maybe you don't give a rat's ass. In which case you could spoil your ballot.
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30.3.04 21:38
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